Let’s start by saying that the past weeks have been pretty full emotionally speaking. I didn’t know how I felt nor why, and I was lost. Lots of things happened around me and affected me just how rain soaks everything in a downpour.
However, I was raised as a stubborn child by stubborn parents (hi mom that’s you) and someone I know once wrote « I refuse to be wasted away because my brain says so« . It has become my motto when things start to get tough (not that I go through particularly hard times but I believe it’s all relative to a person). So I refused. I refused to let myself slip into this gloomy mood and I refused to destroy myself tiny bits at a time.
I emailed the school counselor, got an appointment the day after and showed up. I talked and shared and cried. Then I shared that experience with someone else, and things got easier.
But then it all went down again and I found myself (freshly put back together) having to handle someone that was (and still is to this very moment) actively trying to destroy themselves, big chunks at a time.
I didn’t know what to do, because not everyone was raised a stubborn child and each of us are shaped differently by life. So I shared again. I talked to a friend who had survived and put the chunks back together and they helped me understand. I talked to another friend involved and shared my fear. I wrote another email to an adult-in-charge. I sent out messages in a bottle because I didn’t want to bear that burden alone. And it felt better to know that I wasn’t going to go through this alone. And that’s what I wish that person understood.
You are not alone.