Soundtrack of my life #3

Another year gone by, another thousands of minutes spent listening to music. You’ll note that I wrote one of those half-way through the year so there is not so much that I’ll add to it. Without further ado, let’s have a look:

  • Tickets to my Downfall, by Machine Gun Kelly. Yes I already wrote that. Yes I listened to this album for an entire year.
  • SURVIVOR GUILT: THE MIXTAPE// by KennyHoopla. Idem
  • how will i rest in peace if i’m buried by a highway// by Kenny Hoopla. What can I say the man knows how to make music.
  • MONTERO by Lil Nas X. Yes.
  • Planet Her by Doja Cat. What. a. woman. What a woman.
  • Willow (Smith)’s songs, especially Meet Me At Our Spot (Live). I have absorbed their harmonies into my brain by now.
  • Josh Groban’s christmas album like last year.

I’ll also mention Starset’s last album, HORIZONS (why is it that everyone capitalizes their titles?), Imagine Dragon’s last album Mercury – Act 1 (and the song Wrecked), Tom Rosenthal’s Denis was a Bird, the Lockdown Sessions by Elton John and RADWIMPS’s FOREVER DAZE, all albums that I’ve listened to in one go and liked although not enough to be played on repeat (maybe that is for the better actually).


the blink of an eye

And just like that, four months flew by. I vividly remember the first days of september, when I was so full of energy and hope and determined to make things happen. I look at the calendar and it’s a new year. Not necessarily a new begining though: we only build from what has been seeded. And it’s tough, there’s no forgetting where you’re from, what you’ve done; like paint there’s only brushing over things until you are satisfied with the result, occasionally covering things up with white hoping for a place to start over.

I am not the person I was four months ago. It is crazy to thing how so little time can change a person so much, but I’ve grown, considerably. I made new friends, new relationships, earned recognition, made a place for myself and had to leave suddenly all that behind. I built projects and poured my heart in them, because that is the only way I know how to do things. I laughed, I wept, I feared, I loved. I have so much I want to say, yet so little words to explain how I feel.

I feel like the only thing I know how to do is make connections, random connections between everything. Jumping from one idea to another in a desperate attempt to relate, convey something. I feel as if my entire being is a mismatched patchwork of everything I’ve ever seen and heard. Even saying that reminds me of a video I watched and talked about in this other article. If you had a look at my bedroom you’d probably understand better. There is no decoration, rather a meticulous assemblage of everything that makes me me. It is the visual, externalized representation of myself as a person (please read the article I mentioned). But what I am trying to say is that the media I consume heavily influences me, it feeds my internal world. Among those recent reflexions:

– there is no true good or true evil, the importance of found families (The Witcher TV show)

– words living inside of you, being the cartrographer of your own world, loving people and dealing with grief (Aristotle and Dante dive into the waters of the world, truly moving)

– the immense fascination with the deep waters and deep space (the 10+ postcards, art books and novels I’ve collected)

– the reckless urge to scream at the top of your lungs because the world is fucked up and unfair and you cannot humanly save it all by yourself, all you can do is take it one step at a time and push through with all the kindness and rebellion you can muster while carrying hope like a banner on your heart, knowing that it is fragile, but strong in its fragility – if that makes any sense at all

I’ve been meaning to say more but I got lost in thoughts and anyway, there’s a time for everything. Peace and calm be upon you everybody.

Oh if only she had known

On January 26th 2020 I wrote:

I am now finally home, and (mostly) ready to start school again. It took me 5 weeks to wash away the stress from last semester and recover, but I think now is a good time or else I’ll never want to go to school again. I shall also mention that since Januray 1st, I spent a total of 10 days in my hometown. That is insane.

2020, you are crazy. »

If only I had known. Known that I would not stop there and go to Venice, Italy the next month. Known the chaos that would ensue. « I’ll never want to go to school again ». I chuckle, oh babe, you don’t know yet. But a part of me knew it already. And I was right in a way, 2020 was crazy.

Soundtrack of my life #2

(Yes I’m aware that this is the most dramatic title I could find)

A while back, I can’t believe it’s already been his long, I did a recap of my musical discoveries of 2018. It was really fun to lay down all the tunes that had kept me company during long commutes in the winter and late homework sessions. Let’s look back roughly at my songs.

Begining of 2019, I listened to Florence + The Machine (I’d even say almost excusively). High as Hope, Ceremonials and How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful; all shuffled together.

End of 2019 I remember crafting a playlist of songs to listen to at 5:40am in the RER to go to a special facility for my lab practicals in the south suburbs of Paris. It was full of lowkey depressing songs like Talia (King Princess), Aurore (Elia), The End of Love (Florence + The Machine) or Black Bird (Shake Shake Go) to cite a few.

Begining of 2020, right before the world ended, I remember re-discovering Mr. Brightside (The Killers) which became my religion for the next 6 months, Fast Car (Tracy Chapman),  People I’ve been Sad (Christine and the Queens) and Would That I (Hozier). Those 4 songs basically got me through the first months of 2020 and the lockdown.

The summer commute to my internship was accompanied by In the Name of Love (Bebe Rexha & Martin Garrix), Mr. Brightside again, RAIN (Ben Platt) and When It Rains (Paramore).

In autumn of 2020, I got Deezer Premium and it made me rediscover music to a whole new level: I started crafting playlists and listening to whole albums. I haven’t stopped yet, and that is why I thought I would share the music that got me through (I know it’s getting redundant but really, it helped) two other lockdowns, finals, burn out and slumps.

Without further ado, here are the albums I listened to:

  • Wasteland, baby!, the album by Hozier
  • Transmissions by Starset (go listen to Halo)
  • Noël, Josh Groban’s Christmas songs album (worth putting here because of my grandma’s precious reaction to hearing the songs)
  • i,i by Bon Iver
  • Birhtplace by Novo Amor, and Bathing Beach (I call those dupes to Bon Iver because I can barely tell which song is by who and I listen to them in a string of indsrupted music, meaning I don’t know any title to any song)
  • Build a Problem by dodie (this is here as honorable mention, I listened to it in one sitting and then never replayed any song but I love dodie)
  • La Vita Nuova by Chris(tine and the Queens), and Ungodly hours by Chloe x Halle, to pass time during that one 12h bus ride
  • Tickets to my downfall, by Machine Gun Kelly, which is the album that probably had the most impact on me this year. I love about 90% of the songs (which is super rare for me to listen to whole albums) and it launch my emo punk rock revival era or something, anyway
  • SURVIVOR GUILT: THE MIXTAPE// by KennyHoopla and Travis Barker (this is also some punk rock revival shit but it slaps)
  • Inside (The Songs), by Bo Burnham (these are the songs from the comedy special Inside that Bo Burnham created during the lockdown). I think this special broke a piece of my soul, in a good but painful way. Please watch it (if you’re mentally okay) and cry with me when All Eyes On Me starts (I’m listening to it as I’m writing this)

And that is it for the albums (that’s already more than usual though). I won’t go into details for each songs because I listen to very miscellaneous stuff – January and February were mostly movie soundtracks and anime openings for example!

Hope you enjoyed this mid-year musical update 🙂