My soul aches. In some ways that aren’t as painful as a heartbreak, or grief or sorrow. I think it stings a little and I don’t know why.
I wish I was free. Not free like a bird, because birds need to feed, to rest, they die. But free like water, like the wind, like a rainbow, I come and go.
Tomorrow, I enter my last « teen » year. Wow. I still have the decorations my parents put up on my bedroom door to celebrate my 18th birthday. As usual, I thought about it, and it was in the shower, so here are my shower-thoughts on turning 19.
I actually feel ready to turn 19. I don’t know whether that is strange or not. As a kid, I’ve always wanted to be older. « I can’t wait to be an adult », I’d say. « I can’t wait to be considered as worthy of being listened to » I think that meant, in a way. But as I aged towards my late teens, a new feeling arose. The fear that I was getting older than all of my childhood heroes. The fear that no magical adventure was going to happen to me anymore, now that I was older. Nothing ever happens to old people, I thought.
But that is not true. I discovered books starring « older » people, adults. I am arriving to an age I’ve always wanted to have. Not under 18 because you’re not an adult according to the law and still depend from your parents, not over 20 because that seemed scary to me at the time.
Finally coming to terms with this is like the last piece of puzzle finally coming into place. I was scared of « normal ». I am still scared of « normal », and that’s not the only thing I am scared of but I am aware of it and this makes it more bearable because I know how to act on it. So tonight, my action on it will be to embrace turning 19, embrace the new adventures that await for me, and make sure to follow my instinct. Because wherever I go, it will be an incredible journey. It is just the beginning.
So tomorrow is back to school for me. How is it possible you say, it’s been 3 weeks since the Christmas holidays are over! Well this beginning of the year has been rather crazy to say the least.
As soon as New Year’s Eve was over (I spent a lovely January 1st, one of my best memories so far), I flew to the other side of the world to visit… South Korea!!! If you remember from my last post (A little christmasy update), I went to Keimyung University in Daegu for a week of cultural exchange as part of their partnership with my school. I was part of lucky nine students to be selected to go (!!!). I had an absolute blast, made so many cool memories and sadly came back on Sunday, January 12th.
The next Monday, 8:30am, I was in a lab running experiments whilst being jet lagged and sick (no rest for the wicked, again). Lab weeks are generally crazy but this one was unexpectedly calm, and I may or may not have slept 11h every night to recover from the jet lag and the intense week.
On Friday night from this school interlude, I finally took the plunge and booked train tickets to go spend a week at my friend’s house near Rennes. If you know your French geography and history, you’ll notice that it’s in Brittany -Bretagne- and considering that part of my family is from Normandy -Normandie- let’s say that I wasn’t really familiar with the region (ah the old grudges between French folks will never fail to amaze me). All of this to say that it was my first time being invited at a friend’s house away from Paris (yes, I am 18 years old and I never went on holidays with friends), and seeing the countryside was a good reset. I used this time to visit the region and take pictures (coming some time in the future btw).
I am now finally home, and (mostly) ready to start school again. It took me 5 weeks to wash away the stress from last semester and recover, but I think now is a good time or else I’ll never want to go to school again. I shall also mention that since Januray 1st, I spent a total of 10 days in my hometown. That is insane.
2020, you are crazy.
After 22h45 (I won’t shut up about that number it’s insane) of exams in a single week and 5h of car drive, I can say that I’m finally on HOLIDAYS!!! I had the craziest past couple months and this rest is well-deserved. While I plan on doing absolutely nothing for the next 5 days, I have a detailed list of the things I need to do during the holidays break (no rest for the wicked has become my motto this year), so here it is:
- sleep more
- eat Christmas food
- finish my last book of the year for my 2019 Goodread reading challenge (I’m at 29/30!)
- go to the cinema (Frozen II, Star Wars and Knives Out are on the list but we’ll see with the fam)
- help my sister with her coding and chemistry homework
- prepare my practicals because busy weeks are ahead and I won’t be able to do that by then
- come back to Paris for New Year’s Eve
- find time to meet with my friend
- go to the doctor’s
- go to my school event on January 3rd
- LEAVE FRANCE on the 4th
-wait « leave France » what do you mean? »
-Oh I haven’t told you? »
-You haven’t »
-Welllll I have a been selected to be part of a cultural/student exchange in *drum rolls* SOUTH KOREA!! This means I get to go to Korea for an entire week with my friend (she has been selected too!!) all-fees included (except plane ticket) to discover Keimyung University and the region of Daegu and Seoul. I am beyond excited and I can barely realise it. Life is crazy crazy crazy.
On this, I’ll go back to our cosy living room and Christmas biscuits.
Happy holidays everyone !