I smell of smoke

Last week was my first week of holidays since I had last taken a break from school and work. After the spring break, I went back to school, had my finals, another week of finals, and then jumped straight into my internship in London. In a microbiology lab. This is to say that even if I was not in school, I was still learning, focusing, walking around all week and more on weekends to visit. Basically I did not rest.

I fell sick the last week of the internship. By sick I mean, REALLY sick. I-can’t-stand-up-more-than-10-minutes-sick. I still carried on, went to the lab (which wasn’t really smart considering some rooms had to be sterile but again, opportunity of a lifetime), took the Eurostar back to France, spent my evening doing the laundry and unpacking, re-packed the next morning through coughs and sneezes and took the train back to the south of France to meet my family in a seaside camping.

Let’s say I crashed. Properly crashed. Slept 13 hours on my first night and almost as much the next days. I would be exhausted by 6pm, having awoken at noon. I felt sluggish and was still recovering from my mysterious flu (which my supervisor renamed the Hong Kong flu).

A week has now gone by, and I’m in another part of France, surrounded by my family and resting in our old house. Everything feels so frustrating. My mind is buzzing with ideas and projects, but every time I want to actually start doing what I wanted to do for months, I procrastinate, it doesn’t work out as I want it to, I feel impatient, too lazy.

And it kinda sucks?? Because back to school is in less than a month now, because I know it will be a challenging and busy year (to say the least) and I know I will have to set priorities. And the things that are going to be put aside are things I could be doing right now! But I don’t.

Is this burn out? Did I pull too hard on the strings? Am I broken? I’m always so busy. Now that formal obligations are over, I don’t know what to do next. Maybe go with the flow? Enjoy the summer as it is? This idle state doesn’t suit me well. Maybe I’m overthinking this, I always do.


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