19 19 19 19

Tomorrow, I enter my last « teen » year. Wow. I still have the decorations my parents put up on my bedroom door to celebrate my 18th birthday. As usual, I thought about it, and it was in the shower, so here are my shower-thoughts on turning 19.

I actually feel ready to turn 19. I don’t know whether that is strange or not. As a kid, I’ve always wanted to be older. « I can’t wait to be an adult », I’d say. « I can’t wait to be considered as worthy of being listened to » I think that meant, in a way. But as I aged towards my late teens, a new feeling arose. The fear that I was getting older than all of my childhood heroes. The fear that no magical adventure was going to happen to me anymore, now that I was older. Nothing ever happens to old people, I thought.

But that is not true. I discovered books starring « older » people, adults. I am arriving to an age I’ve always wanted to have. Not under 18 because you’re not an adult according to the law and still depend from your parents, not over 20 because that seemed scary to me at the time.

Finally coming to terms with this is like the last piece of puzzle finally coming into place. I was scared of « normal ». I am still scared of « normal », and that’s not the only thing I am scared of but I am aware of it and this makes it more bearable because I know how to act on it. So tonight, my action on it will be to embrace turning 19, embrace the new adventures that await for me, and make sure to follow my instinct. Because wherever I go, it will be an incredible journey. It is just the beginning.

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